Peter Kauffmann, PeterPages Ombudsman, 4/16/6
Reporting from Brick House Studios, Blacksburg, VA

PETER KAUFFMANN, SPOKESMAN for Brick House Productions today announced the company's updated schedule for their widely anticipated feature film, Techaanisqatsi. "We expect to release the full-length trailer within the next two weeks. This date will depend on the workload of the various parties involved in its production." He went on to state that this trailer would be "somewhat longer than the authentic Koyaanisqatsi trailer" to showcase a number of extended scenes. Sources close to the project estimate that the trailer's final cut will be between 4 and 7 minutes long.

In a telephone interview, Techaanisqatsi Director Peter Kauffmann was able to elaborate on the overall production's progress. "Well, principal photography went far better than we expected. We currently have 1.82 gigabytes of digital video stored away in our editor's office's servers. He estimates this to be around 65 minutes of raw video. Therefore, we expect to have enough material to release a good portion of the orignal film. In the next few years, we may even revisit the project and release the entire original film in sections. I don't know too much about this, but our Chief Weblackey, Peter Kauffmann, tells me that it would actually be more practical to release a number of shorter segments because of lengthy loading times over the internet. Did that answer your question? Hey ombudwhatsit, wake up!"

Editor Peter Kauffmann, A.C.E., refused to return our calls, instead releasing the following statement: "I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL BE FINISHED. STOP BUGGING ME. No, seriously, I've got this crazy engineering project to work on, and I've got this crazy physics test to study for. Oh, gosh, don't get me started on physics. I don't know what I'm doing, but I got a hundred on the last test, which I was sure I got like a C on... I beat Kevin! And then the computer gets crazy and I can't use my software and I just wind up sitting around staring at my computer screen..." At this point, the writing got really tiny and cramped and hard to read, but still rambled on for several more pages. It is in this reporter's opinion that this rambling is probably the exact reason for the delay in production, but it is not like this reporter knows Peter Kauffmann or anything, so he should probably not be jumping to conclusions like this.

A highly placed source in the Techaanisqatsi production hierarchy (actually cinematographer Peter Kauffmann) was able to elaborate in a relatively concise manner about extended timeframes. He tells us that we can expect to see the finished project (using current materials) sometime this summer. "We won't have tests and such to worry about then," he pointed out. However, he emphasized that it would be worth the wait due to "a large number of special features" which were mentionned on their website. "Right now, we are having great filming conditions. All I have to do is wait for perfect conditions on the duck pond to close filming for Techaanisqatsi I. Then it's up to Peter and Peter to cut it and Peter and Peter to do the PR and eventual release."

Peter Kauffmann, the PeterPages Ombudsman can be reached at either his office at the PeterPages World Operations Complex, on the web at ombudsman.peterpages.net, or by writing your question in dry-erase marker on the hood of a 1968 Ford Mustang GT-390 and leaving it in the Litton-Reaves Extension Lot 17C at Virginia Tech.